Dude my mom stole all your condoms
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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