Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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