i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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