guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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