Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
We're like a lot better than the average bears
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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