I wish my penis had an off switch
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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