there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
