mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
