did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
