I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
