i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
