Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
