I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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