Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
