Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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