I'm laying in your front yard are you home
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
