We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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