Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
