You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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