Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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