I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
