there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
