don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
