it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
