He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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