i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
