I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize