Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
