His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Randomize
