just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
