were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
