dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
