Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
