Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
