Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
im holly from the hills drunk
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
