just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
