You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
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and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
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Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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