I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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