that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
