Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
