id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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