Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
