i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
