Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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