Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Randomize
