Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize