im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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