he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
