you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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