I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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