I love black thongs
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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