an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
