"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
me + whiskey = a bad person
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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