its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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