Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
