I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
