I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
